在Steven老师的写作课上，我找到了Identity（身份认同）

“Best" Kindergarten, as the top bilingual kindergarten in Zhengzhou, Henan, teaches English terribly. As a former student, I can accurately say that English taught at this kindergarten simply does not work in western countries. I immigrated to Canada in 2015 to study. However, my English only started to improve at the end of 2018. That's 3 whole years of darkness. It all starts with a simple, practical course full of hands-on activities. Steven’s Wednesday reading and writing.

贝斯特（Best）幼儿园，作为河南郑州顶级的双语幼儿园，英语却教的稀巴烂。作为一名前贝斯特学生，我可以准确的说，贝斯特式英语在国外完全不起作用。我2015年移民到加拿大温哥华，然而我的英语从2018年年底才开始进步，在此之前，我经历了黑暗的3年。这一切的改变，都要从一堂简单、实用且充满实践机会的课程讲起。Steven老师的周三的阅读和写作。

When I first landed in Vancouver, I quickly realized that I was behind on the very first day of school. Locked in a cage, isolated from the free world where everyone else seemed to be. Yes, including the other immigrants. Everyone’s English just seemed so perfect, their mouths were filled with perfect sentence structure, extensive vocabulary and expressions. While I was trying my best to say the most simple sentences in my heavy Filipino accent. Yes, I was taught by Filipino teachers that couldn't even speak English properly themselves. Overtime I felt disconnected, excluded, and unsafe each time I tried to communicate with my teachers or peers. I just sat quietly, clueless. 

当我在温哥华落地的那一刹那，我就很快意识到了我在学校非常落后。我像是被关在笼子里，与外界自由的世界隔离，包括其他的移民。每个人的英语似乎都那么流利，完美。各种复杂的句子构造、丰富的词汇以及成语他们都能脱口而出。而我？满嘴的散装菲律宾英语导致我每次与老师或同学交流时都会感到与大环境格格不入。我的英语是由菲律宾老师教的，他自己都不能说明白。长此以往，语言不通给我带来的困扰从一开始的缺乏安全感慢慢演变成了自卑，致使我不敢再跟别人轻易的交流。因此我的校园生活开始变得寂寞，每天只能茫然地坐着。

Funny to say, I was actually quite skeptical and nervous when I first joined the “Wednesday class.” It was taught by Steven. Having never heard of this person before, I joined the zoom meeting with 7 other people. I didn’t expect anything special, I figured that this was just any other english class, reading, discussions, boring. But after Steven said the very first sentence, I quickly realized that this class was something else. It’s like nothing I’ve experienced before. Steven spoke with confidence and joy. It sounds like he really enjoys teaching this class. 

说来话长，第一次加入“周三班”时，我对这门课其实并没有有多大的期待。我也更从未没听说过这位老师。抱着一副无所谓的心态，我进了教室。除了我，教室里还有其他7位学生 大家的起点和经历都各不相同，但几乎所有人眼中都透露出了七分的期待以及三分无助。上课之前我天真以为这不过是一节司空见惯的英语课。去进行一些阅读、讨论、以及各种无聊的话题。但只凭老师开头的一句话，我就立马意识到，这门课不简单。Steven老师的话语里充满了自信和喜悦，这就是他与众不同的地方。同时，Steven老师也拥有着其他英语老师没有的东西。一颗热爱英语以及事事都为学生着想的心。

This 2 hour class consists of two sections. For the first hour, creative writing. Everyone is given the same prompt and has 5-10 minutes to execute their writing. To my surprise, these prompts were very personal. I could see just how easily these prompts could make one feel vulnerable. But for the first time, I felt that someone actually cares about my feelings other than my family and wants to know more about me. Having never even thought about these questions myself, it was extremely difficult for me to get the pen moving, let alone sharing it to the rest of the class. I sat quietly staring at the ceiling. 1 minute, 2 minute, 5 minutes. Time’s up. My page was still bare and free of ink. As the others started sharing their writing, I started to really reflect on myself, what is it that I actually need? What is stopping me from obtaining this “thing”?  I hope to find out soon.

这门课两小时，第一小时是创意写作。老师给予了大家相同的题目，并让我们使用5-10分钟的时间完成作答。令我惊讶的是，这些题目非常个人，并能轻易的使人放下防备直达心灵深处让人感到温暖。这是我第一次被陌生人关心，这一刹那的感受我无以言表。我甚至都从未想过这些问题，手上的笔如有千斤重让我无法书写，更不用说分享给班上的其他人了。我茫然地坐着，紧紧盯着天花板，墙上钟表的滴答声不绝于耳。终于时间到了，但我的纸仍是空白。当其他人开始分享他们的经历时，我才如梦初醒开始反思，我需要的到底是什么？是什么在阻止我获取这个“东西”？我如何能尽快找到答案？

Time went on, the prompts started to get deeper, from something like “describe a most memorable moment.” To “describe a time that you rejected something/someone that you instantly regretted afterwards.” Discussions were longer, and people started to be happier. Sometimes, the prompts really drive you to fish those feelings out from deep inside the body. The more classes I took the more I realized we’re not just swimming in thoughts anymore, we’re diving. Deeper and deeper into our bodies week by week. 

随着时间的推移，Steven 老师给的题目也逐渐变的更加深入，从一开始让我们描述一个最难忘的时刻，到让我们描述一个让我们感到后悔的瞬间。题目的深入，不同维度的思考，使我对自己的了解更深了一步。我发现，这些题目真的能促使我从内心深处挖掘出那些我平时不愿向外人说出的 “秘密”。我上的课越多，我就越能意识到我不仅仅是在表面浮潜，而是在海的深处探险。Steven老师每周带领着我们越潜越深，直到触底。

The bottom is where all my answers lie, and we have reached it. What do I need? Me. What’s stopping me from getting what I need? Myself. After years and years of not being able to communicate with others fluently, I have slowly refrained myself from expressing my feelings as a whole. Having to complete these diving trips with Steven, I have finally come to realize what I’m made of. I'm not that kid anymore who lives in isolation each day just because his English is shit, And I certainly am not doing this for my teachers and peers so they can know me better. I’m doing this so I can finally reintroduce myself. Although this class has guided me to find my identity and true self, it is so much more than that. For instance, it provided me with a way to connect with others while gaining a whole new perspective of myself. After being enrolled in this class for a solid 5 years. I could confidently say that this class is the reason why I fell in love with writing. As for reading? We’re still workin on that.

十年来，这个答案终于浮出了水面。原来我其实并不需要情绪价值，礼物以及别人的理解，我更多需要的是我自己。经过多年的困惑，我终于看清了自己。我不再是那个因为英语糟糕而每天与世隔绝的孩子，我更不是因为想让老师和同学多了解我才学习的英语。我这样做是为了最终我能变得强大，我能融入我自己的世界。我恍然发现我不再是荒野的孤狼。对我自己而言，这门课引导我找到了自己的身份和真正的自我，但它的意义远不止于此。例如，它为我提供了一种与他人联系的方式，于此同时让我获得了一个全新的自我视角。在参加了整整五年的这门课后，我可以自信地说，这门课就是我爱上写作的原因。至于阅读？我还在努力中。